Drama Queenism

My drama queen tendencies have been well documented in my blogs.  I have always endeavored to have melts downs in the privacy of my home and not subject anyone else to the ensuing messiness.  But recently, it was brought to my attention (by the Holy Spirit) that even that is not healthy for my body and soul.

I’ve been vocal about the triple threat that Brian Rayburn, Keith Moore and Zach Neese have been against some of the issues God has been dealing with me about.  I’ve also said that when you are studying a particular subject, you get plenty of opportunity to practice what you are studying.  I’m here to testify to the truth of that.

I have been listening to Keith Moore’s Thanksgiving Victory series and it has been a kick bootie experience.  He hits self-pity hard and explains how damaging it is; not only to oneself but also to the people around you.  I’ve had how true this is thrown in my face, almost literally. 

Although I would melt down at home, I was still letting self-pity rule my everyday actions.  I, of course, didn’t think I was operating in self-pity but I was.  As a result, I damaged two relationships that were very dear to me.  I’ve repented and apologized where necessary but God will have to bring restoration.

Now, day by day…event by event…sometimes moment by moment I thank God that He has delivered me from self-pity (listen to the series). This is one of those baby step things but I’m going to keep at it until I’m running free.

Change 2

In my blog Change, I stated ‘I would venture to say nighty-five percent of the humans on earth have something in their lives they wish they could change.  So why is it when change happens, we don’t like it?’  Very applicable question.

I've had three significant changes occur in the last month and a half.  Normally, I have some inkling changes are about to take place.  These blindsided me.  I have been dealing with the fallout and life has been hectic, emotional and totally draining.  But at the same time, I have learned so much about myself…about my God.  I’m more sure of myself and who I am in Christ than I have ever been. 

Of course, I would like to say this has been as amazingly smooth transition and I’ve just floated along on a misty white cloud of faith and serenity.  But since my penchant for drama queenness and beating myself up have been well documented, can’t say that. 

Change 1 went relatively smoothly after I moved past being irritated that I wasn’t included in the dynamics and plans for said change.  I am really enjoying the freedom it has given me.

Change 2…  Let’s just say that it’s been a month and I'm still am not quite there yet.  There was a lot of drama queenness associated with this one. 

Change 3, I’m just beginning to walk into.  Still navigating the newness of it.  More like change 1, I had to get past my initial irritation.  Now I’m good with it and actually looking forward to the freedom it will give me.

In Hiatus, I talked about the triple threat; KeithMoore’s teachings, Zach Neese’s How to Worship a King and Pastor Brian Rayburn’s awesome messages.  They have only gotten better and I can really tell the difference.

Maybe, my receiving has gotten better.      

Reunion

The McClendon family reunion was last Saturday.  The weather cooperated big time.  We gathered at Patsy and Gary Wayne’s house this year.  They had an in ground pool, plenty of concrete for the kids to draw on, ride on and generally play on and a zip line.  They also had shuffleboard and billiards for the grownups.  How cool is that?  

The last two years have been at Don and Dana’s place.  I did miss the river and being able to walk to the pond.  If we could somehow mash them up together, we would have the perfect spot. 

Of course, the food was great as always.  We did well this time.  There was plenty of meat left but the side dishes were pretty much gone by the time everyone headed out.  Usually, we have a lot left over.  Brenda made a coconut pie because she and I both like it so if she had to bring it home, it wouldn’t go to waste.  Right.  It was gone shortly after she set it out.  People were eating it before they ate supper.  She probably should have made two.

It was good to hear the children; a little sobering to realize we are our parents now.  Still, these are the times that stay with you.  

Good looking bunch

Bucket List 2

I had this ready and forgot to post:  please excuse my crazy weekend.

In Flightsof Fancy, I talked about flying through the stars like Superman, swimming with the sharks and walking the Marianas Trench.  I have often talked about the things I wanted to do after I have an immortal body.  Carole pointed out that technically, that’s not really a bucket list since these are not things I want to do before I die.  Couldn't argue with that. 

It started me thinking about things I used to want to do but had slowly let go of because they seemed impossible.  Things like; hang-gliding, getting a pilot’s license and walking (at least part) of the Appalachian Trail.

I can now say that I've marked an item off that old list.  I spent this Tuesday afternoon in Studio 333 at K.E. Bushman’sCelebration Center laying piano and organ tracks for Cody’s new song ‘Train Wreck’ (to be released Sept. 30).  It was (roughly) exactly what I expected.  Hurry up and wait.  I took a book to read for the waiting part and my serenity (uh, who? Me?) for the ‘do it again’ part.  Michael Hersh (engineer) was very patient with me.  He called me Auntie Barbara and said “no, really, you’re doing great”.  He’s good…  I didn't detect one note of sarcasm in his voice. 

Besides, the experience of recording, I got to spend some time with my nephew.  With his schedule, I rarely see him.  I know that’s a good thing because he’s busy making his dream come true.  I asked a gazillion (slight exaggeration) questions about the band and how things were going.  Told him he needed to work on his diction.  You know, the Aunt thing. 

I got there about 2:40 pm and left about 8:00 p.m.  They were happy with the results.  I’am happy with the experience.  That’s what matters.

Regret 2

Last December I blogged about how living in regret had colored my whole life.  I decided it was time for an update. 

I can say that I have come a long way in the last nine months.  I can sing the old songs now without going into a blue funk over my past.  In last week’s blog, I said the Holy Spirit has been repeatedly tapping me on the shoulder lately.  There is a difference this time and I know it’s because my attitude (there’s that word) is different.  I don’t automatically start beating myself up because I've failed yet again. 

Beating myself up put me in a place where the Spirit couldn't help me because I would make it all about me.  You know; I’m not good enough, I don’t do enough, I don’t know enough, I’m such a sorry human being . 

The litany could go on but I don’t live there anymore.  How do I know?  Last Monday I took myself to see a movie.  I briefly looked it up online but about half-way in, I realized I should have dug a little deeper.  Sigh…  Not because I am beating myself up over the mistake, I repented.  I was forgiven.  No, the sigh was because I could have used my money to see something else.  It was only last night as I was reading in Psalms that it came back into my mind.  Total surprise.  I had actually let it go; put it behind me and moved forward.  I hadn't let it become a constant reminder of my failure like I would have in the past.

I call that progress.  I call that freedom.

Hiatus

I apologize for the unannounced break in blog posting.  It was unintentional and unexpected.  I appreciate your patience and the lack of negative comments about it.

No, a major disaster did not occur.  No, I was not in the hospital or out of commission in any way.  Nor was I on vacation (sigh).  Life did get a little crazy, though.  There were several (figurative) fires at work that took all hands on deck to put out.  Plus, my personal life was going a little haywire. 

Things have settled down at work and the smoldering embers have moved on to someone else.  My personal life is starting to straighten out because God has been working on my attitude.  Amazing how much that word comes up in my blogs.  I recently saw a picture on Facebook with the caption ‘apparently I have an attitude; who knew’.  So me.

I’ve been listening to some excellent teaching by Keith Moore, reading How to Worship a King by Zach Neese and Pastor Rayburn has been preaching some awesome messages at New Heights.  Needless to say, the Holy Spirit has been tapping me on the shoulder a lot. 

So, I’ve had so much stuff going around in my head I couldn’t settle on one thing.  I would start something and think no, I’m not ready to discuss that yet.  Or, I don’t understand that enough to tell someone else about it.  I couldn’t even come up with anything amusing from my past.  A sad state for a writer.  My novel has also suffered because of it.

A biggie has been Keith Moore’s ‘The Trial of Peter’s Faith’.  It’s about not becoming offended.  All Bible students know that when you study a subject in depth, you get plenty of opportunity to put it into practice.  By the time I got to church last night, I was mentally exhausted and a bit on the touchy side (no comment from the peanut gallery). 

I can’t tell you exactly what happened last night; I just know God set me up.  Amber asked me if I wanted her to do the overheads.  I jumped on it.  That left me free to sing with the worship team and sit in the congregation for the sermon.  I love what I do but it was a very nice change.  By the time I left, I was on a much more even keel.

I know those around me were very happy.

Hard Firsts

Today was the annual back to school shopping trip.  Most of you know my sisters were and are teachers.  We always get together to go shopping for back to school clothes, shoes and miscellaneous.  It's like the annual Christmas shopping trip.  I usually go to laugh and eat lunch.

Anola's sudden passing will move us through many 1st.  This was the beginning of those; the first shopping trip without her.  Soon it will be the first day of school.  Then it will be Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Anola was a seasonal decorator and Halloween was one of her favorites.  She had salt and pepper shakers, cookie jars, candy dishes, lights, stuff to hang in the windows, things to put outside.  Yeah, all out. She did most things that way.

I must admit, I was a little leery.  I asked a friend to pray for us today and he did.  I know, because I could feel them.  We had a choice.  We could be all weepy and sad-sack or we could laugh and enjoy ourselves like we usually do.  I know which one Anola would choose for us.  We decided to laugh.  

Normally, we don’t come home with that many items.  The last few years, it’s been mostly baby stuff.  Since the kiddos are all healthy and clothed, we didn’t even wander that way.  Plus, Amanda didn’t get to go with this year and she is the baby shopper extraordinaire.  She is also Brenda's and Ada's personal shopper.  She picks stuff out and they decide to buy it our not.   

This necessitated Brenda and Ada actually shopping for themselves.  Wonder of wonders, they both bought items in the first three stores we went to.  That made it a full day already.  What made it even more ‘not normal’ was that I bought things, too.

Did we get teary-eyed?  Yes, but only a little.  We are women; we are tough.  We love, we laugh, we cry.  Anyone remember ‘Steel Magnolias’? 

All in all, it’s been a good day.