Square One

In the blog HOPE, I spoke about waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.  Today’s question, what do you do when it does?

In the past, I would have

1. had a major pity party in the privacy of my home
2. had all joy knocked out of me
3. allowed all hope to fade
4. packed my dreams away in the steel vault of my heart
5. and thought ‘here I am back to square one.’ 

I’m definitely working on #1.  But, 2-4?  No! Not anymore.  My joy is not based on my circumstances; it’s based on my choice.  Same with hope.  My dreams will have to shift, maybe take a different direction but it took me a long time to drag these dreams kicking and screaming out of that deep, dark vault.  I refuse to put them back.

I find it a bit ironic that Sunday morning I asked the ladies’ prayer group to lay hands on me and pray for wisdom, especially where my words are concerned.  It was pow-er-ful.  Then Sunday afternoon, the shoe dropped.   

Psalms 37:4 says, ‘Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give you the desires of your heart’.  I know the desires of my heart (dreams) are from the God.  I have settled that.  I’m not sure where to go from here but I know Someone who does.

So, square one.  I have realized there is no such thing as starting over or being back at square one.  It might look the same, it might feel the same, it might even smell the same but it isn’t.  Why?  Me.  I am never the same.  Especially this time.  I have learned so much and come so far over the last seven years; square one cannot be the same.

Those who know me know how much I hate sudden changes.  Was I prepared for this one? not even faintly.  Will I get past it? definitely. 

Now I see square one for what it really is; a stepping stone in a new direction.