Consistent

Consistent:  always acting or behaving in the same way

I have been meditating on this word lately.  Well, not actually the word but what it means. You won’t see me walking around with my arms out, palms up and my fingers pressed together saying “umm-m-m-m  con-sis-tent”.  (I would if I thought it would help.)  But, I am considering how to work it more consistently into my life (yes, pun intended).

The Holy Spirit has been helping me with my lack of consistency in areas like writing and exercising; you know, good things.  And, my total consistency in other areas like not getting enough sleep, worrying about things only He can fix and ATTITUDE. 

I’ll admit walking through this is a whole lot like when we worked through the fear thing.  It seems the Holy Spirit is always tapping me on the shoulder asking me 'what are you doing' or 'why are you doing this'. 

For me, attitude is a BIG part of it.  Shawn always said I had this look.  Carole agrees.  Recently, Howard told me the words coming out of my mouth didn’t always agree with the look on my face and he’d stick with the words.  (Ya think attitude is a big part of it?)

One of the hardest things for us to do, as humans, is apologize.  There is something about it that sticks in our craw.  It is almost like we have to regurgitate it; especially, if we are still in the height of the emotion that got us there.  That is why the words coming out of my mouth do not always agree with the look on my face.  I am trying to police my words so I don’t have to apologize.  The rant may be going on in my head (hence the look on my face) but I’m trying to slow down the spew coming out of my mouth.

One of the first things I ask myself now is why; why am I mad, irritated or on my last nerve.  About ninety percent of the time, it has nothing to do with what is actually going on at that moment.  Dealing with the straw that broke the camel’s back often only deals with surface issues.  I want to get to the real problem and fix it. 

I have been doing this a lot this past year and I have that friend (you know who you are) who has been a big help in this area.  Most of the time, the problem has been with me; hold over issues from the past I needed to deal with and let go of.  Last night was a big test for me and I’m happy to announce, I passed with flying colors.

Will my actions be consistently consistent (sorry, couldn’t resist)?  Uh, no.  I have sense enough to know that.  But, I’m moving that direction even if it’s at a crawl.