Bucket List

Tuesday night was my writers' meeting.  When I got home and stepped out of the car, the sky was covered with a blanket of stars.  Spent some time just admiring it. 

It brought to mind “How Great Thou Art” and how it fits into my bucket list.  The first verse says ‘I see the stars’.  I can walk outside most nights and sing that part with no problem.  It also says ‘I hear the rolling thunder’.  I have stood outside while the thunder rolled and sang that part.  ‘When through the woods and forest glades I wander’—no problem there.   Then we come to ‘when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur and see the brook and feel the gentle breeze’. 

I have been over a few mountains.  One time coming home from Bible school, we stopped in the Oklahoma hills to take a break.  In the green valley below, there was a brook meandering through a few trees—very peaceful. The view brought those words to mind and I sang all four verses.  It was a moment.

But…when I think of lofty mountain grandeur, I think of the Rockies or the Appalachians.  Which brings us back to my bucket list.  I have always wanted to stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon and sing “How Great Thou Art”.  My fondness for singing has already been well documented in these blogs along with my penchant for singing anywhere.  I don’t care how many people are there, I am going to sing from the bottom of my diaphragm (that’s why I’ll probably have to go by myself).

“How Great Thou Art” has always been a ‘go to’ song for me when I am down or troubled.  The bigness of the words draw me out of myself and reminds me that if God can create all of this beauty, He can handle my troubles.

Singing...in the Rain?

I’ve talked about my love of music and singing harmony in ‘Front Porch Harmony’ and about my penchant for talking out loud at the oddest times and in unlikely places (at least I’m sure those around me think so) in ‘Talking to Myself’.  This week, I put them together. 

Years ago, my friend’s brother said he would like life to be like a musical where people just burst into song for no reason.  I have been thinking about that a lot lately because I do it (yes, sometimes without realizing it).  I don’t exactly burst into song but I do sing.  It doesn’t matter where I am; a store aisle, waiting room, cafe, long line, etc.  If there isn’t any music playing, I make my own.

Most of the time, I don’t think it is a problem because I do try to contain myself.  Why?  For those of you who don’t know, my voice carries—really carries.  Growing up, our house was in a cow pasture (yes, literally a cow pasture).  It was a wonderful place for a girl with a big voice to ‘let it rip’.  There weren’t many people around to complain about the noise (although the boys ‘across the way’ used to accuse me of calling the cows), so I could sing as loud as I wanted to.

Therefore when I say I try to contain myself, I mean it.  But the more I walk this life, the less I’m concerned with other people’s opinion of me.   I sing because the song is like fire shut up in my bones (Jer. 20:9).  If you want to give me that look (you know the one), go ahead.   It won’t stop the song. 

And there is not a particular style I lean to.  I like the old hymns, gospel, bluegrass, southern and country gospel, contemporary and the choruses.  I might sing them straight or throw in a little blues; maybe some of that smooth Old Vegas style or slide into classical every once in a while.  I've also been known to rock a few things.

So the next time you hear me, go ahead; give me that look.  Or…you could close your eyes, take the leap and join me.  It certainly won’t bother me (and we don’t care about the other folk, do we?).  

Bitterness

How often do we hold on to bitterness and excuse ourselves by saying things like ‘It’s not hurting anyone’?  Not true.  According to the Bible, when bitterness springs up, it troubles us and affects others (Hebrews15:12).  Un-forgiveness and bitterness go hand in hand.  Both keep us tied to the past.

Let’s look at two women with similar lives and extremely good reasons to be bitter.  Both had fathers more interested in lining their own pockets than the welfare of their daughters.  Both loved and married men who didn’t love them.  Both were abandoned by their husbands.  One held that bitterness close.  One let it go.  The one who held it close remained lonely and bitter to the end.  The one who let it go was roughly 38 generations back the grandmother of Jesus.  

Michal: daughter of Saul; wife of David. 

David had already won the right to marry one of Saul’s daughters when he killed Goliath.  Didn’t happen.  Then Saul offered David his oldest daughter, Merab, if he would fight the Philistines.  David fought.  Saul reneged.  Instead, Saul used Michal to try to get David killed by demanding 100 Philistine foreskins as ‘bride’ payment.      

The bible says Michal loved David.  It’s never implies David loved her.  Michal risked her life to help David escape her father’s murderous plot.  As punishment, she was given to another man as wife.  During all the years David fled from Saul, there is no indication he tried to see her or get her back.  (You know the people around her made sure she heard all the latest news about David including the two women he married.)  The only reason Michal ended up with David was because he demanded she be brought to him as proof the ten tribes of Israel accepted him as king.  The path of bitterness is easy to see.  In the end she was left childless and married to a man she despised.

Leah: daughter of Laban; wife of Jacob.

Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah to get her off his hands.  The bible says Leah was the hated (by both Jacob and Rachel) wife.  When Leah quit having babies, the inference is Jacob quit having sex with her.  How do we know this?  Because she bargained with Rachel to ‘hire’ Jacob to have sex and when they did, she got pregnant.  Leah bore six of Jacob’s twelve sons.   Her fourth son, Judah, is the line Jesus came from.  There was always tension in Jacob's clan and the bible never says Jacob loved Leah.  It also never indicates Leah lived her life in bitterness.

Outside forces do push against us but we have the ability to push back.  Only we can decide to embrace or reject bitterness.  That one decision, for good or bad, has great ripple effects not only across our lives but the lives of those around us.

Transitions

There are many transitions in life.  We go from being babies to talking, walking and kindergarten.  Awkward elementary to junior high crushes.  High school to graduation and (often) leaving our friends.  College and/or jobs that catapult us into the ‘real’ world and life.  And all along the way, there are a hundred and one smaller transitions that direct the paths we take.

My three sisters are teachers (brave souls).  We have an annual back to school shopping expedition (I go to laugh a lot and eat lunch).  Amanda (Brenda’s daughter) is the designated driver and clothes picker outer.  She finds it and hands it to whoever (usually Ada) to try on. 

We did wander through several stores but this year we had Kyleigh (Anola’s granddaughter) so there was more cooing over the baby than shopping.  Plus, I have a great-nephew due in November so the car was full of more baby stuff than anything else.  And of course, we laughed a lot. 

I remember many such trips with my mom and her sisters (I was the Amanda then).  Those women could get into some stuff and there was always lots of laughter; always lots of stories to tell.  Whenever we told stories on them, we just said The Sisters and everyone knew who we were talking about.  Mom was the last one and when she passed, The Sisters were no more.  

Well…maybe not.  Walking through Bealls, Brenda was talking about Mom and said something that marked one of those major transitions in our lives.  Suddenly she stopped and said, “We’re The Sisters now.”  There was silence as we thought about it.  Believe me, it was a solemn moment (just one, though). 

We couldn’t deny the truth.  We are a lot like my mom and her sisters were.  We can definitely get into some stuff and there is always lots of laughter.  And I know their children (my case, nieces and nephews) have lots of stories to tell.  We have lots of stories to tell. 

So, I believe we are capable of taking The Sisters mantel and running with it.  If we leave behind the kind of legacy that my mom and her sisters did, we will have done good.

Self-image

The Bible says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14) and it’s true.  Our ankle bones (which for most of us are smaller than our legs) pivot, swivel, bend, rock and absorb massive impacts while carrying much larger bones (and flesh) above them.  Our digestive system (for the most part) bundles up everything we put in it, sorts it out again, sends the good stuff where it needs to go and gets rid of the junk.  And think of all the ligament and muscle coordination it takes for us to watch a tennis match. 

We are fearfully and wonderfully made but by self-image, I’m talking about what we see in the mirror.  All those little (or big) things we don’t like.  Too skinny, too fat, straight stringy hair, kinky curly hair, chicken legs, matchstick arms, flabby arms, big booty, no booty and the list goes on.  Aging doesn’t help.  Losing weight, gaining weight, wrinkles, saggy skin, going bald or growing hair where it’s not wanted only compounds the problem.

For the last 6 years, I have been slowly losing weight.  I’m down 46 pounds and have 15 to go.  I was walking through a store and saw a lady about my size who had on the cutest outfit.  My first thought was ‘wish I could wear something like that’.  Although I look at myself in the mirror and can acknowledge that I am smaller, I still can’t see myself wearing something cute like that.

Because of certain circumstances, I have been wrestling with my self-image a lot lately.  Plus, (don’t tell anyone else) I now have jiggly fat.  E-e-w-w-w.   I’ve never had jiggly fat.  Needless to say, my self-image has taken a definite hit.  Last Sunday morning when the band was practicing, the Spirit of the Lord was so real.  When the service started, the Spirit said “Let me show you how I see you”.  For someone with a low self-image, having GOD point out your flaws is a very scary prospect.  But, pointing out my flaws was not what He had in mind. 

We all know someone, who when we first met them, we were put off by their appearance.  Yet, it didn’t take long to realize that they were “good people” and we forgot about how they looked.

The Bible says God looks on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).  He starts on the inside and works His way out; literally.  That was what He wanted to show me.  Me, from the inside, colors how people see me on the outside. 

Work on the inside me.  I can do that.