The McClendon REP

I am the youngest of five children.  It was not always easy following in four sets of footsteps.  It didn’t help that my brother and sisters were not only good academically but athletically as well.  Needless to say, they set the bar high.  Having the same teachers in school meant there was always expectations about how well I would do (no, no pressure at all).

But it wasn’t just at school.  It was nothing for me to introduce myself and have a total stranger say, ‘Oh, you’re one of those McClendon girls’.  (Picture me with a head hanging, not again attitude.)  Then, add in the fact that I had 6 cousins (also named McClendon) who were all overachievers and only lived twenty minutes away and an aunt who was the high school girls’ coach…  You get the picture.

Now fast forward several years to Bible college in Missouri (where none of my family was from or to my knowledge had ever been).  I was so-o-o-o happy to leave my family rep behind.  No expectations.  No shoes to fill.  I could finally be my own person; build my own rep. (bwa-ha-ha)

I had been there for four days and the dean walks up and says ‘You’re that McClendon girl, aren’t you.  I’ve got my eye on you’. 

NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O… 

Talk about shocked!!!  Turns out there was a family of McClendons that used to go to their church and they had quite the rep. (AGAIN, picture me with a head hanging, not again attitude.) 

Just the other day an old friend said, ‘You’re a McClendon’ (this time I didn’t have that hang dog attitude) and it made me think of that story and the difference in my attitude from then and now.  

Of course, there were a lot of instances that having that McClendon rep came in handy.  There was a lot of good associated with that rep; honesty, loyalty, trust.  Still is. 

Now days, there are not many left with that name.  The last names have become Smith, Brooks, Davis, Evans and Gates to name a few.  But the rep is still there and being passed down from generation to generation.  It’s a good legacy to leave behind.  

THE MOUTH SPEAKS

Have you ever been shocked by what came out of your mouth?  I’m talking about those times when someone pushes and pushes and pushes until a truth you’re not even willing to admit to yourself just spews out. 

Sometimes it is a core belief about yourself that comes from junk that happened 5, 10 or more years ago.  Sometime it comes from experiences that you go through again and again and again.  There are as many reasons for the junk as there are people who carry it. 

Getting rid of it can be painful and messy.  Like cleaning up after a sick baby messy.  Or cleaning out the fridge after the veggies have gotten slimy messy.  Or cleaning up after you’ve gutted fish messy.  (I could go on but I think you get the picture.)

One thing is for sure, it won’t get better until you stick your hands down into it and rip it out by the roots.  But how?  Especially, when you’re not willing to admit to yourself it’s there!

That’s where the Holy Spirit comes in.

The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the inward parts of the belly. 

Proverbs 20:27 (KJV)

            O Lord, you give me light; you dispel my darkness.

Psalm 18:28 (GNT)

Had that happen Sunday night.  No, no one else was there so they didn’t get spewed on (thank goodness).  Just a conversation between me and the Holy Spirit.  We were discussing something that had happened that day.  I was taking my usual negative drama queen stance (I know you’re shocked by my admission of drama-queenism) and He kept pushing and pushing and pushing.  Man…

Have I resolved it yet?  Honestly, no.  I am a dot-the-Is, cross-the-Ts kind of person.  I want to understand why something is the way it is so, I will study it from every angle before I make a decision.  (Yes, this does make walking in faith harder since faith, by definition, is not based on understanding.)

Will I resolve it?  Most definitely.  Now that the Holy Spirit has shined light upon it, by His help, I am dealing with it.  Not because God demands it but because I know it will make Him happy.  (It won’t hurt that I’ll become a better person in the process.)  

NEVER TOO OLD TO START

That is the beginning of the blurb (what goes on the back cover) for my next book Witness.  In the story, circumstances cause Penny to question the plan she had for her life.  Just writing the story caused me to wonder what happened to the plan I had for my life.  I’m definitely not where I thought I would be by now. 

But, how many of us are?  Like Penny, we get blindsided by life.  Decisions we make take us in directions we never dreamed we’d go.  So much of our lives, have been reactions (whether from fear, confusion or pressure, etc.) to circumstances instead of actions toward our goals.  Then we hit a certain age (and this is different for everyone), when we start thinking it’s too late.

Sure, we’ve all heard the stories.  Grandma Moses beginning her painting career in her 70s.  Colonel Sanders selling his first KFC franchise at 65.  (For me) Laura Ingalls Wilder starting to write the Little House on the Prairie series at 65.  But that’s them; this is us.  Right?

Lately, I’ve had to re-vision the vague picture I had of my future.  I am moving in a direction that is surprising to me.  One I thought too late to take.  God recently brought to mind a conversation I had with Mom about one of my uncles who acknowledged his call to preach in his late 60s.  She stated that it was too late for him to do that.  I countered with Romans 11:29.

                        The gifts and calling of God are without repentance.

I told her if God had called him to preach when he was young, he was still called to preach.  Age did not matter.  (Remember last week I said I was judged by my own words…YIKES.  It seems to be happening a lot lately.)

You’re never too old to start.  That was the motto I adopted four years ago when I set out to make my dream of being a published author a reality.  I now have two books in print and am writing the third.  But, there were other things I let go of thinking it was definitely too late for them.  Yet, God has been bringing those things to my mind, resurrecting them, breathing life into them and once again making them real and do-able.

The question is:  am I willing to reject the notion that it is too late?  Can I shake off the past and let my future expand to include the dreams I gave up on? 

I can.

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SPOUTIN’ NOTHING

In 2011, I wrote 365 daily devotionals for an online Bible website.  They were short, one thought conversational paragraphs. I took on the task as a way to discipline myself as a writer.  I thought, I’m a writer and a student of the Bible how hard can it be.  Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha. 

It changed my perspective and made me greatly respect people who do that all the time.  It definitely wasn’t easy.  It pulled things to the surface that had long been buried.  Festering, yucky stuff that needed to be dealt with.  Things I didn’t realize I was holding on to.  I didn’t work on any other writing that year.  Dealing with the devotionals was all I could handle. 

Fast forward to today.  I started reading the devotionals again and man…talk about being judged by my own words. (Luke 16:22)  It was like the Holy Spirit was standing behind me reading and every so often, He would lean over and point at the screen like He was asking ‘What does that say’.  When I hit day 41, He asked a question that stopped me in my tracks. 

Lately, I have been dealing with several issues that I thought I had resolved a long time ago. (One way to spot unresolved issues is when they rear their ugly heads, you get mad or sad or afraid all over again.)  Some of them I had addressed in those devotionals.  I can say that I am farther along in my walk with God than I was two years ago.  But…

I am so thankful that the mercies of God are fresh and new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).  Some days I need it more than others.  And after today, I am going to make a habit of periodically going through these devotionals.  Just to remind me.

What was the question?.

Did you mean that or were you just spoutin’ nothing?